I am feeling down in the dumps.
Yesterday I learned I have pneumonia in both lungs. What?! How does this happen to someone like me who lives a healthy active lifestyle? I never get seriously sick. Only the odd cold or cough. I have a 5k race tomorrow and a marathon on March 2! I have an important client engagement in Boston next week but the doctor told me not to travel. I have other projects on the go.
But pneumonia is what is for me right now. I’m tired. All the time. Walking up a flight of stairs is a struggle and makes me wheeze. I have no appetite. Staring at my computer screen as I write this post makes me dizzy.
When I realized this morning that I was feeling down in the dumps, my eyes became teary. I was sick for two weeks before the diagnosis. During that time I tried to remain optimistic that I’d be better soon and some good would come from it. I did make some important decisions as a result of my downtime. But I realized I was tired from ‘looking on the bright side’ as much as being sick.
And what we resist, persists.
So I’ve decided to give myself permission to be down in the dumps for a few days if that’s how I’m feeling. The doctor said it will take a couple of days for the antibiotics to have a significant effect. Since my inherent nature is to be optimistic and positive, I’m going to trust my mood will bounce back when my physical body feels better. I’m going to trust that my daily practices will sustain me even though I can’t ‘practice’ many of them now.
To be clear, I’m not saying endless wallowing is a good approach. However acknowledging our emotions, whatever they are, is important. When we feel our feelings we allow them to move and shift. Feelings are not permanent. Feelings are always shifting. They morph and change moment to moment. Writing this post about being down in the dumps, has shifted my feelings already, at least in this moment.
Be kind to yourself whatever you’re feeling. Acknowledge what is. You might try writing about it too. It’s one of the best ways I know to gain perspective and begin the shift.